


Ocean of tears

by Princesa_eliza



Category: The Blacklist (US TV)
Genre: Abortion, About to Die, Adopted Children, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Discussion of Abortion, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fluff and Smut, Forced Abortion, Hurt/Comfort, Keenler - Freeform, Love Confessions, Multi, Past Abortion, Perdition, Pregnancy, Reconciliación, Reconciliation with oneself, Relationship Discussions, Sad, Sexual Tension, Unplanned Pregnancy, Unrequited Crush, Violation, a little love and peace, a little triangle, ability to forgive, ability to let go of blame, abortion depression, acceptable end, anembryonic pregnancy, face the fears, hostile uterus, learn to live with the past., psychological sanitation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:34:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26740717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Princesa_eliza/pseuds/Princesa_eliza
Summary: She and he made a "mistake." A mistake that she decided to keep quiet for 9 weeks. She thought about it a lot and finally found the solution. She was determined to take responsibility for it. The problem was, he didn't know. Nine weeks passed until ... a serious situation caused all his dream to be destroyed. She lost what she longed to have. Now he and she find themselves in a very difficult and painful situation. And now each will try to overcome the pain of loss in their way.Will they be able to forgive themselves? I do not knowCan they go back to what they were before? Nothing will be like before.Can they reconcile? maybeCan they get over it together, put the past behind them and get on with their lives? Perhaps
Relationships: Aram Mojtabai/Samar Navabi, Donald Ressler/Original Female Character(s), Elizabeth Keen & Donald Ressler, Elizabeth Keen/Donald Ressler, Elizabeth Keen/Other(s), Elizabeth Keen/Samar Navabi, Keenler, Samar Navabi/Donald Ressler
Kudos: 16





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Unexpected Consequences](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5671435) by [MsDaHedgehog](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsDaHedgehog/pseuds/MsDaHedgehog). 



> This is my first job, sorry for the mistakes. English is not my first language. I hope you enjoy this fanfic. I write on a sensitive subject, I hope I do not offend you. Most of it will be somewhat depressing, so be warned. I hope you enjoy it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first fanfic. I've spent months thinking about it until I decided to do it. It will deal with sensitive and sensitive issues about abortion and loss. I hope not to offend anyone. English is not my mother tongue so if you see a mistake I apologize for it, I do the best I can. Without more to say, I hope you enjoy it.

**Prólogo**

She already had a few days when she felt strange. She hadn't paid much attention to her, but lately, she's been feeling dizzy and nauseous.

He has begun to notice that she has been a little strange. On several occasions, he has asked her if she feels okay or if she has something. She has answered that all is well, but this time she begins to suspect that it is possibly something else.

She begins to rule out her options and realizes that it may be a pregnancy. Possibly anembryonic. She'd been through it before, so she had little illusions and aside from having a hostile uterus, it was unlikely she was pregnant. He had gone out to resolve some matters. They both had the weekend off. He went out and left the girl with her next-door neighbor and went to the pharmacy.

She got to the pharmacy, went inside, and went straight to the testing hall. She watched and took the one that gave him the most confidence. The blood test would still be done to be more sure, but for now, she needed to know if it was or not, and later with the blood tests it would confirm what said the test would have yielded as a result.

She looked for the bathroom, took the test, and waited a few minutes. The truth is that she felt a little or perhaps very nervous, she did not know what to expect or how to feel about the said result. But he didn't want to get excited too soon anyway. It could be a false alarm.

If the result is negative you may feel good, but you may also feel a little sad to know the same result as always. She would feel good on the advantage that lately his job is getting riskier and riskier and bringing a baby into the world would be very dangerous. So I gave it one point in favor. Enough had him with Maya, a 32-months-old baby he and she adopted from Nebraska. 

If the result were positive, the truth is that you would not know how to react. First of all, the first thing I would do is confirm it with a blood test. Second, if the result confirmed that it was positive, he would burst into tears because after so long it was granted. Third, she would not be excited too because it may be anembryonic or perhaps she could abort it. There were many things against him that he decided not to get excited. And finally, he would tell his partner.

After fifteen minutes the result was ready. The result came out ... POSITIVE. 

She was speechless and without reactions. He got out and went straight to the lab to confirm the result.

He passed by the girl and took her to his apartment, dialed his wife, but she did not answer him. He worried a little because she had been feeling bad for several days. She probably went to the doctor. He did not worry too much, he would call him again later and if he did not answer him that is when he would worry.

He bathed Maya, fed her, and put her to sleep. He went to the kitchen to prepare dinner as his wife arrived. He was about to dial when he heard someone opening the door, looked out, and saw that it was her. He greeted her and hugged her.

\- "Hey, how are you doing? Are you still feeling bad? - he asked

-" Mmm no, I'm still a little better "- she said trying to hide any reaction that contradicted her.

-" Sure? If you feel bad I can tell Cooper not to go on Monday and .... "

-" I'm fine, ok? Everything is fine "she answered, trying to sound convincing. -" How is Maya? Have you had dinner yet? "She said, changing the subject.

-"Oh yeah, she's fine, she already had dinner and I just put her to bed. And now I'll make dinner, go see her and then we'll keep talking, "he said as he went to the kitchen.

She went to see Maya, she couldn't stop thinking about the possibility that she had a baby brother. Maybe yes, maybe no, but tomorrow the truth would be known. She did not feel very sure about hiding it from her husband, but she would prefer to confirm the result and if it were positive she would tell him and if it were negative she would not tell him. She does not want to hurt him because they have already gone through A lot and if she tells him now, maybe he will be deluded and the result may be negative in the end and she does not want to see him disappointed.

For now, she prefers to wait, and hopefully, her nerves do not betray her. She said goodbye to Maya and went to the kitchen to talk with him.

He was already setting the table and she came over. He served her dinner while she served the drinks. She decided to avoid the wine, but it would be obvious. She let him pass and opted for juice.

They both sat down, she didn't know What to say, I was still thinking about the test.

-"Where did you go?" He asked her.

\- "I went to the pharmacy to buy medicine in case I felt bad" - she answered.

\- "And why didn't you go directly to the doctor?" - He saw her and realized that she was hiding something.

\- "I didn't think it was very necessary, maybe it's just the medications the doctor had prescribed for me, remember that I suffered side effects, maybe it's just that. Don't worry, I'm fine." - She said, hoping to convince him. She hoped his lie was credible.

\- "Okay. I hope it's nothing. You know that if something happens you have to tell me, we don't run out of trouble, we don't run away anymore and we wouldn't do it again. It's a promise we both made. Okay?"

\- "Yes. It will not be repeated. I promise."

He kissed her on her left cheek and they continued eating. She kept thinking about the result. I needed the result to be ready already. He wouldn't know how long he could go without saying anything. She didn't like to lie to him and if it wasn't too convincing she would find out. They were both experts in interrogation tactics and could see the signs when someone was lying.

He kept looking for clues, hints, signs, or anything else to confirm his suspicions that something was wrong.

After dinner, they packed everything up and she went into the living room and sat on the couch. She needed to relax a bit so it wouldn't be more obvious that something was wrong.

He went and settled next to her and turned on the television. He would try to get the information out of him, he needed to know the truth. He has seen that she has been a little strange for the rest of the dinner. He knows something is up. And he hoped it wasn't something serious.

She could no longer bear to lie to him since that loss things have almost always been said, there weren't many secrets between them except work. But personally, they told each other almost everything. She remembered the promise, she couldn't keep quiet again. She couldn't exclude him, both he and she were together through thick and thin. But ... this time I couldn't tell him until I had the confirmed result. I didn't want to hurt him again. So he decided to wait. 

They stayed on the couch watching a movie, the truth is that she did not pay much attention because her mind does not stop turning to the matter. 

He realized that she was not concentrating, she looked lost thinking she knows what.

\- "Hey, are you okay?" he asked her.

\- “Yes, I'm fine, I'm just a little exhausted. I'll go to bed, don't go to sleep late. "

\- "Okay, I'll catch up with you after a while."

She went to her daughter's room and said goodbye to her. And immediately he went to the room and tried to fall asleep. 

He knew she was acting a little strange. He got up and went to search for her bag and saw that the medicine that she supposedly bought was missing. "Surely she already took it out and took it to the medicine cabinet," he thought. He went into the bathroom and checked the medicine cabinet, there was nothing new, they were the same old pills. Ok, his suspicions were already growing that she was keeping something from him. He was going to give her 24 hours for her to confess, in case she didn't then he would face her. He turned off the television and went to the bedroom.

She heard him come in and pretended to be asleep, the truth is that she was tired but her mind kept thinking about the test result. He came over and hugged her from behind, bid her good night, and fell asleep while she tried to fall asleep. 

The next morning, she woke up and went to see Maya. She woke her up and went to give her breakfast. After a few minutes, he woke up. Their day started when they both made breakfast, they talked a bit about what they would do for the rest of the day. Among his plans is to go to the zoo so that Maya can meet some animals, there is the option of walking through the park, going to see the duck pond. Then they would go to eat at a restaurant and finally return home. She thought long and hard about how she would go about collecting the results without him noticing. She analyzed it and realized that she couldn't do it today, so she chose to pick them up tomorrow when she went to see Red.

She was still feeling a little nervous about the result and he tried not to confront her. It annoyed him that she kept everything to herself and excluded it, it wasn't always like that, but there were supposed to be no secrets between them, except for work. 

After breakfast, they got ready and left the apartment. They went to the zoo as they had planned. Maya was happy because she was meeting a giraffe, who until now she said was her favorite animal. Then they went to see the duck pond and she took several photos of him together with her daughter, and then vice versa and finally the 3 of them took a photo together. They went for a walk in the park and bought ice cream for Maya and one for her. He did not want to. After walking, they decided to sit down for a while and talked about how much fun they were having. Finally, almost at the end of the day, they decided to go to a restaurant, since they started to get hungry. 

After several hours, his day was already ending. They left the restaurant and went to the apartment. 

He and Maya had had a wonderful time, she was still feeling a bit nervous, but she tried to hide it. After they arrived at the apartment he decided not to face her, his day had been wonderful and he did not want to ruin it, he decided that tomorrow they would talk about it. 

The rest of the afternoon, now almost close tonight, they busied themselves with their work papers. Everyone did their thing, she after having finished her thing was to get Maya's things ready for tomorrow. He was still thinking about her lie, but tomorrow he would ask her about it. He finished with her reports and got her things ready for tomorrow, checked what suit he would wear and also prepared an emergency bag, with her work you never know when an unforeseen event may occur. She finished fixing Maya's things, got her outfit ready for tomorrow, and she also got ready clothes that she would put on her right now after the bath. She gave her dinner and I waited for her food to be brought down, while she went to get her clothes and an extra bag ready as did her husband. 

He showered while she got her things ready, after that she went to make dinner. He finished bathing and got ready and went to help his wife with dinner. She half stopped preparing to bathe Maya and he decided to finish preparing dinner. 

When she started bathing Maya she couldn't help but think about her test results. She needed to go pick them up and see the result. The feeling of anguish and worry was already about to surface, she couldn't allow that to happen. She finished bathing her, dried her, and changed her and left her in her crib. She went to bathe while he finished preparing dinner. As she bathed she touched her belly and couldn't help but think about the possibility that a life was growing inside her. She wept silently wishing this time was real.

He was a little concerned when he saw that she had had a good time in the bathroom. He walked over and knocked on the door.

\- "Honey, are you okay?" - he asked. And when he saw that she had not answered he played again and this time decided to pass. He saw her sitting on the floor hugging her legs while the water fell on her, he turned off the tap and grabbed the towel to cover her. She still kept sobbing.

\- "Honey, what happened? Did you hurt yourself? Are you okay?"

She clung to his arm and this time she cried harder and let all her pain out. She didn't say anything, she just cried. He began to wonder if it was about what she was hiding or if it was about something else. He was looking for and analyzing the factors that influenced her and the only relevant thing was that a month ago she had stopped the treatment. After several minutes she calmed down and he helped her up and led her to the room. 

\- "Do you feel better?" he asked her. She nodded but didn't speak.

\- "Do you want to talk about it?" - He asked again, but she did not speak and this time denied. 

\- "Honey, if there is something you have to tell me you can tell me now or we can talk about it tomorrow but don't keep it to yourself. Remember that we are both here to support each other. Remember that we made a promise. 

She avoided breaking again right there, with just mentioning the promise they had made a long time ago gave him a small feeling of guilt for hiding something that includes him. All he wanted was for it to be tomorrow so he could go and collect the results.

She changed while he went to serve dinner. He was still worried about her, the fact that she had already stopped treatment was a difficult decision. He thinks she was crying because she was assimilating that she had lost hope. Not that she was in shock, It just hurt to remember that. 

They had dinner in silence, then they left everything in order and left to say goodbye to Maya, and finally, they went to the room.

* * *

She was in her car, she had not left for 10 minutes. She was in front of the lab and was nervous about the result. I wouldn't know what to expect.

She got out of her car and went into the lab, gave her data, and waited a few minutes for the envelope to be handed to her. When they gave it to her, she thanked her and left there. She got in the car and drove to the meeting point she had with Red. She already had the envelope, but she didn't feel ready to open it, she still didn't feel completely prepared for the result.

She entered Red's apartment where he asked her to meet. She looked for the room and when he found it he knocked on the door. Dembe opened the door and invited her inside. She liked that room because it had a lot of books, CDs, liquors, and a lot of portraits, sculptures, and a bit of decoration and also the atmosphere was nice. The walls were a warm color between a mix of white with beige and a soft pastel brown. She liked that Red chose these types of places because they were comfortable and discreet. She saw Red sitting drinking coffee while reading the newspaper. When Red saw her he looked up and smiled at her.

\- "Good morning Lizzy, how are you?" - Red asked him.

\- “Good, good. And today, what do you have for the team? " - She replied trying to sound more casual.

\- "Mmm I'm glad Lizzy, how are Maya and my dear Donald?" - He asked again while smiling, he noticed that she was trying to hide her nervousness. Something had her like that and he would try to persuade her to tell him.

\- "They are fine too." - She replied again - "And now, what case do you have for us?" - She asked with a little impatience as she took a seat.

\- "Before I start Lizzy, I just want to make sure you're okay. Have you already been to the doctor? Because you haven't looked good lately. I want to know if you are not sick if so, I can give you a break and ... "-

-" I think I'm pregnant. - she blurted out. - Both Red and Dembe were silent, then she continued. - "I think I'm pregnant, and I don't know if it's real or a lie." - She concluded.

Red saw her with a surprised look, he couldn't believe his suspicions were true.

\- "Wow Lizzy, that's ...-" he was silent again, but with a big happy smile. "Lizzy, I'm very happy for you. After everything, you've had to go through. I was speechless, I can't express the emotion I'm feeling. "

She didn't even know how to feel, She took out the envelope and said: "These are the reliable results and I haven't seen them yet, the truth is that I'm a little scared And I'm scared"

Red looked at her with a calm expression, got up, and sat next to her.

-" Lizzy, to be sure you have to see the results, no matter what comes next. We are all going to support you, and he will be by your side. This time everything will be different. "

Liz, convinced of that, opened the envelope, took out the page, and scanned it. She went straight to look for the result and what he saw in capital letters was the following ... "POSITIVE"

She did not know how to react to said result, she felt a lot of emotions that all she could do was cry, she did not know if It was about joy or fear and anguish, I didn't know how to feel. Red read the sheet and when he saw the result he said to Dembe and they both hugged and hugged Liz. She smiled. It was already confirmed that she was pregnant, now his question was if it was true or if it was an anembryonic pregnancy. His happiness vanished in a matter of seconds and Red realized,

\- "What's wrong Lizzy?" - asked Red

\- "And if it may be an anembryonic pregnancy?" - She looked at him with a look of deep sadness. "Red, I don't want to go through the same thing again, I can't bear another failure."

Red understood Liz's pain, she had already gone through a lot. She suffered an abortion, she suffered from an anembryonic pregnancy, she suffered that her uterus is hostile and now ... she is pregnant.

\- "Liz, we don't know if it is or not, but for now, let's keep that hope. Does Donald know about this? "- asked Red.

She denied.

-" Oh come on Lizzy, you have to tell him. Do not repeat the same mistake from a few years ago, Lizzy this time has to be different. They both love each other and are married, and they also adopted a beautiful girl. Don't ruin what they just built, don't exclude it again, don't repeat the past. Change it and tell him. "

Red was right, she couldn't exclude him again and besides, she had the right to know. She decided that tonight he would confess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it. Let me know what you think. Blessings.


	2. Before you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story begins in the timeline of the second season when they are in the case of Dr. James.  
> PD: Samar had already arrived before and is a friend of Liz.  
> PD 2: Meera does not die, she is only transferred to another site.  
> English is not my first language, an apology for any mistakes I may find.

**Antes de ti**

**Years ago...**

She and he were looking for their next blacklister, in this case, it was Dr. James Covington, a surgeon who operates on the black market. They were near its facade, they found the operating room and the post-operative care room, they saw a game room and there was a couple there who apparently were waiting for their son to be operated on. Ressler kept inspecting and she found the operating room, saw the doctor about to start the operation when she stopped him. The doctor explained the situation to her and she discussed it with her partner. They argued a bit because they did not agree until he gave in and she told the doctor that he gave her permission to continue the operation.  
After a few hours, the operation went well and the agents entered and arrested the doctor. He told her that she had crossed the line.

\- “Keen, you can't go around the world breaking the rules just because you think that such action will have a better consequence. In this world, in this work, there will be a saying about life, and no matter how much you disagree, you have to accept it. We cannot let ourselves be carried away by our emotions because they cloud our judgment. And that was what I saw today, you let yourself be carried away by your emotions and you ran the risk that your decision would go wrong. If the child had died, how would you deal with that? How would you explain that you broke a rule just because you thought you were doing the right thing? It could be the worst. You were lucky that it turned out well, but maybe the next one will not turn out well. Agent Keen I met a year ago wouldn't have allowed this. You crossed the Keen line. You start to look like him. "

She realized that she crossed the line, she realized that something in her was changing and what hurts the most is that he told her that she was looking like Red. She was carried away by her emotions, but ... no It was just that, she was vulnerable lately, first and foremost. She was taking things very personally. What bothered her the most is that her partner did not stop her and did not guide her. He is supposed to have more experience in this and he was supposed to help her and guide her, let her know what was wrong and what was right, they both had to help each other and make the other see when something is wrong.

She went to the black site, decided to go alone. She didn't want to talk to him, this wasn't her night and she was upset with him. Realizing she needed a break, she decided to talk to Cooper and accept Dr. Torres' recommendation. He approached the office and knocked on the door 2 times, I waited for Cooper to permit him to enter.

\- "Go ahead."- Said Cooper.

She walked in and Cooper motioned for her to sit down.

\- “Sir, I came because I want to tell you that I am going to take into account the recommendation of Dr. Torres. I want 6 weeks off."- said Liz.

\- “I understand, if you think there is a lot of pressure, I can permit you, what's more, you deserve it. After a year, I think you could use it. Also, after what you've been through I think it's necessary, I'm glad you came to tell me to take it by the wayside. Finish the reports and tomorrow begins your rest period. Just let Reddington know so he is aware. "

-"Yes sir, thank you."

  
She left and went straight to their shared office to finish the reports, her partner had not arrived yet and she wished it would take longer so that she could leave without having to see him. Samar came in and congratulated her on the case. She offered to go for a drink, but she declined with the excuse that she was tired.

  
\- “Hey, congratulations on the case. Don't you want to celebrate? I buy you a drink."- asked Samar.

\- “Thanks Samar, but today I don't feel like it, I feel very tired. Do you think we leave it until next time? "- Liz replied.

\- “Ok, that's fine. Rest and for the next one do not fail me.” - She laughed

She and Samar didn't get along very well at first, but later Liz realized that she could trust her. So they became friends and whenever they could they went out to drink for a while and have fun. She liked the idea of having a friend, after Meera left, she lost contact with her _(Meera was transferred after Dianna's death_ ), but Liz knew she could still count on her.

  
Liz left her office and went to Cooper's office to drop off the reports, when she came in she saw Ressler, her plan to avoid him went awry because it turned out that Ressler was there.

\- “Sir, here are the reports. Do you need anything else before I retire?

\- "No, that's all for today. Thank you, you can retire now and have a good rest.”- With that Liz left without saying anything to Ressler.

Ressler was perplexed by what he had just witnessed. Liz had ignored him, besides, was she leaving?

\- "Sir, Agent Keen, is she leaving?" - Asked Ressler.

\- “Yes, she will take a 6-week break, plus she deserves it. After all that you've had to endure, I think it's fair. I'd say she deserves more than that, but for now, she could only give her 6 weeks. And now, I need your reports."

\- "I'm sorry, but I'll give it to you tomorrow. Now I need to attend to something emergency. ”- With that, Ressler left Cooper's office, when he came downstairs he saw that Liz was entering the elevator. He ran before the door closed.

\- "Liz!!" - he yelled at her, and she entered the elevator, turned around, and saw that he was heading towards her. He saw that it was almost time for him to be in front of her, but the door finished lowering completely.

He felt hurt, he had yelled at Liz, but she made no attempt to stop the door. He realized that she was upset with him. After what he told her at the scene, she had felt bad. He realized that he had hurt her, told her that she looked like Red. It was obvious that he had hurt her, and now she was leaving.

Ressler returned to the office and gathered his things and left. While waiting for the elevator, he began to plan how he would apologize to Liz. He had planned to bring dinner and a bottle of wine as a peace offering. He just hoped Liz was in her motel room. The elevator went up and he entered. He got out and went to his truck, got in it, and headed to the restaurant. He had decided to buy Liz's favorite food. When he bought it, he went to the nearest supermarket to buy wine. When he had everything he went to the motel where she was staying.

Liz heard someone yell at her name, she ignored it. The elevator went up and she got in, when she turned around she realized it was Ressler. She saw that he was approaching and when it was almost time to have him close, the elevator door finished lowering completely. When she left she went to look for a taxi, she decided to get a few blocks further from the black site. She became paranoid and was always prepared to change routes every day. After what happened with Tom, she couldn't stop thinking about it, she felt that at any moment he would appear again. After getting in the taxi and changing her route, she finally reached the motel where she was staying.

He realized he needed to talk to Red, he had to tell him about his break. She dialed the number and waited for him to answer.

- _"Hello Elizabeth, why is your call?_ -Asked Dembe

\- "Hi, I urgently need to speak with Red. Is he available?" - she asked.

\- _"Wait a minute .._." - with that, Dembe passed the cell phone to Red. - _"It's her"_

- _"Hi Lizzy, what's up?"_ asked Red.

\- “Hi Red, I warn you that I will not be available for the next 6 weeks. I asked Cooper for a break, took Dr. Torres' recommendation. I need to relax and clear my mind. I find myself very overwhelmed. "

\- _“Yes, I understand Liz, Cooper had told me something about it, but I wasn't really sure. And you're right about it, you deserve a break. After everything you've been through, I think it's very necessary. Don't worry Liz, the team will be able to work on other free cases that have nothing to do with the blacklist. I'll give you a break. Now, what will you do? What do you think to do?"_

\- “I want to go home, I'm going to travel to Nebraska. I'll go to see Sam's house. There are still some issues to be fixed."

- _"Ok I understand. Let's do something. Tomorrow at 7:00 am Dembe will pick you up and take you to the airfield and I will lend you my jet so that you can travel to Nebraska, without spending money."_

\- "I think it's a good idea. Okay, tomorrow Dembe comes by me and sees you there."

With that, Liz ended the call and began to pack her things. She grabbed the suitcase and started packing her clothes.  
She was left in the middle when she heard that someone had knocked on the door, she froze but then immediately grabbed her gun and carefully approached the door. She looked out the window and saw that there was a man outside, but she couldn't make out who it was. Without further ado, she released the safety, opened the door, and pointed.

When Ressler knocked on the door he waited a moment. He really hoped that she was already here, he heard the click of the safety and when he saw that he was going to open the door he was surprised when he saw the barrel of the gun pointed at him very closely.

Liz saw that it was Ressler, relaxed, and lowered the gun. Ressler understood that it was a defense method. Liz stepped aside, let him pass, and closed the door behind him. When Ressler walked in he could see that Liz was packing her things, " _so if it's true, not only was she going to take a break, she was really going to go_ " - he thought.

\- "Are you leaving?" - he asked.

\- “Yes, I'll go take a break. Take into account the recommendation of Dr. Torres. I will be absent for 6 weeks. Red said it was fine, so I think you'll have time to catch up on the paperwork. "

\- “How long have you been thinking about that? Did you make the decision before or after what happened today? ”- He asked.

\- “I had already thought about it before but after today. I finished confirming my decision. ”- She answered.

\- "Does this have to do with what we discussed? If this made you change your mind, I ask you to please excuse me, I know I hurt you, but you can't leave like this. You avoided me and now you want to leave? - He replied a little offended.

\- "It's not just because of that, what you said was true. I crossed the line, crossed the limits. I realized that everything that happened has been affecting me little by little and without realizing it I have been turning into another person. I took the recommendation because I realized that I was avoiding my personal battles. And that has been getting to me. So I will go to clear my mind and return more concentrated. This is not about you, it's about me. Although yes, I do not deny that you hurt me and that's why I avoided you because I felt upset WITH YOU, you were supposed to support me and make me see when I was wrong, but instead, you just told me that I was acting like him and you left him to pass."

\- “Yes, I'm sorry, really. I didn't mean to hurt you, but we were both having a difficult time. There was a bit of pressure. I came here with food and wine as a peace offering. Do you accept it? Do you have dinner with me?"

  
Liz saw that he was carrying bags of food and realized that she hadn't eaten in hours. She also realized that he was bringing a bottle of wine, a wine that he knew she was going to like very much. She realized that Ressler was sincerely apologizing that she decided to accept it. They sat on the floor, leaned on the edge of the bed, and shared the food and he served the wine.

They talked a little about their lives, (anecdotes) and a little about what they were doing before Red came into their life, they laughed most of the night. Ressler was comfortable and relieved to fix things with Liz. The food had already finished and the wine too, so Liz pulled out a bottle of tequila from her hiding place. Ressler was surprised that she had it so well guarded.

\- “Wow, Liz. Who would say that you have tequila on you. ”- Ressler said jokingly.

\- “I bought it a week ago, I really needed a drink and since I've been a bit paranoid I don't go out to bars anymore, so decided to buy one. I've only had it when I have shitty days. "

Liz drank from the bottle and offered Ressler, and they continued talking. Ressler realized that it was almost midnight and decided to leave. Liz told him to take a taxi and go by car in the morning, Ressler considered it a good idea, he had drunk too much and it was certainly not a good idea for him to drive in that state. Ressler said goodbye to Liz and left.

Liz felt very relaxed, she liked that before she left she was able to fix things with her partner. She felt good the fact that they shared a nice moment. She was feeling a bit confused that she had the urge to kiss him.

She began to believe that perhaps she was attracted to him. But that would be something too soon. She let it pass, maybe the alcohol was playing tricks on her. She was ready to finish packing when she heard a knock on her door, she thought it was Ressler, she must have forgotten something.  
Ressler felt good about the fact that he was able to fix things with Liz, but lately, he was feeling attracted to her. Liz was leaving for 6 weeks and decided that she was going to kiss her. He felt the need to. So he steeled himself. It was now or never. He took advantage of the fact that they were both a bit drunk and perhaps the next day he would not remember.

He knocked on the door and immediately she opened it and saw that he was there. He approached, took her face in his hands, and kissed her. Liz returned the kiss and he put his hand on her waist and pulled her closer to him.

He entered the room and closed the door behind him. Gently he separated himself from her and sought to analyze her gaze. She was surprised.

A few minutes ago she was thinking of kissing him and now he turns back and kisses her. The kiss felt very good, it was something that he liked and now it had awakened several nervous sensations throughout his body. She wanted more. Now she kissed him. He smiled in response

Ressler realized that the kiss was going further and further, so he separated from Liz and asked if she was sure to go further. And she answered yes. They continued kissing and little by little they undressed.

*******

They lay tired, lying next to each other. Liz couldn't believe what had happened. Ressler had already fallen asleep. But, although she was already tired, she knew she couldn't sleep, she had to finish fixing her things. She got up and carefully went to the bathroom, took a shower, got ready, and took out all her things and began to pack them in a bag. She gathered up all her things and packed them. She decided to pack things that were unnecessary in one bag and those she would take with her in another.

Dawn was just a few hours away, but she still didn't want to face Ressler. They had made a "mistake", Ressler had said that what they had done was not a good idea, she felt embarrassed and a little hurt. She decided to forget that thought. As she saw that everything was ready and she just had to wait for Dembe. She decided to leave earlier than planned. She looked for her cell phone and dialed Red. The cell phone began to ring and in a few seconds, Dembe answered.

\- _"Good morning Elizabeth._ " - Dembe said.

\- “I need you to come for me now. I can't wait for you until 7:00 am. I need to go before. ”- Liz said interrupting Dembe.

\- _"Okay, has something bad happened?"_ \- Dembe asked, making sure she was okay.

\- “I'm fine, just something unexpected happened and I need to go before. Please come pick me up. "

Dembe realized that Liz was a little nervous, he didn't want to ask her so as not to make her uncomfortable.

- _“Ok, see you at 5:30 am, is that time okay?_

She saw on her cell phone that it was 4:50 am. She could wait for that hour, she saw that Don was still very asleep, so she supposed she had time to evade him.

\- “Yes, it's fine at that time. I wait for you. ”- With that, she ended the call.

Liz realized that the hangover was already getting to her. In the evening, she and he had had a great time, had a bit of fun, shared dinner, shared a bottle of wine, and then half a bottle of tequila. Everything had gone well until he left and then came back and kissed her. She returned the kiss and now ... now they had exceeded the limits. She had had sex with her partner, and she said it was not a good idea. She wanted to blame the alcohol, but it was completely stupid. He asked her if she wanted to stop and she had said no.

Previously Liz was attracted to him, she had already fantasized about him kissing her, and a few hours ago that had happened, and the kiss was beyond intimidating. Liz didn't want to be present when he woke up, she didn't want to die of embarrassment when he saw her, which was absurd because she had already seen her. But still, she didn't want to hear him regret what they had done. She needed Dembe to arrive as soon as possible because every minute that she spent in that room felt like she would die of suffocation.

When she went back to check her cell phone, she saw that there were already 10 minutes before Dembe arrived. Dembe called him and told him he was on his way.

Liz got aspirin and a bottle of water and put it on the bedside table, and also left her belongings. she left him a note saying:

- _“Ressler, you might wake up with a terrible hangover, take the aspirin._

_See you in 6 weeks. Take care, don't worry and I'm sorry._

_\- Liz."_

When she finished getting everything ready, she heard a truck approaching, she looked out the window and realized it was Dembe. She grabbed her things, went out and closed the door very carefully. Dembe immediately helped her with the suitcase and she went to the back, entered, and waited for Dembe to take her to the airfield where Red was waiting for her.

During the tour, she couldn't stop thinking about what had happened a few hours ago. The thoughts that crossed her mind appeared involuntarily. She could still feel Ressler's touch all over her body. Even though she enjoyed it she couldn't help but feel ashamed. And then she thought about what he would do or think when he realized that she was no longer there. She decided to forget it and let it go, but it was inevitable.

After 45 minutes on the road, they arrived at the airfield where the jet was ready, only she was missing. Dembe stopped near the jet and went out to lower Liz's suitcase. She came out and at that Red received her with open arms.

\- "Good morning Lizzy, I hope you slept very well, we have a long trip ahead ..." -

When she came over and hugged him. She felt the need for a fatherly hug. At that moment she wanted someone to comfort her and protect her.

\- "Thanks Red, I really appreciate your help with this."

\- “Lizzy, honey, you look exhausted. What did you do last night? Let's say you don't look very good.”

\- "Have a few drinks, to tell the truth, I had half a bottle."

\- "Let's go upstairs, have something for breakfast to make your hangover go away."

The truth is that Liz didn't feel like eating anything. Without more to say, Red invited her to get on the jet. She pointed to her seat and asked the stewardess for breakfast.  
Red knew that more than just a few drinks had happened that night. Dembe had told him that he saw Donald's car. Then he thought that Donald was probably sleeping with Liz. He assessed Liz's attitude and found the answer. Liz had spent the night with Donald and because of that she looked exhausted and a bit pained and hurt.  
Liz felt that Red was evaluating her, she hoped he didn't realize what she was trying to hide with her eyes, but she felt intimidated. As if she was a little girl who was being scolded. So she spoke.

\- "Red, don't look like that."

\- "How?" - Red asked with an innocent tone.

\- “You don't have to pretend, don't see me as if I had done something wrong. Just tell the stewardess to get some aspirin for the hangover. " - Liz said trying to defend herself.

\- “You played with fire Lizzy. As you know, where there was fire, ashes remain. It's only a matter of time before I catch up with you. ”- said Red as she took a sip from her cup of coffee.

\- "What do you mean?" - She tried to sound like she didn't know what she was talking about.

\- “I think you know exactly what I mean Lizzy, but in case the hangover affects you, I'll remind you. Donald. "

Liz felt her stomach begin to knot. Of course, she didn't have to pretend or hide something. Reddington had eyes everywhere it was obvious it was only a matter of hours for her to know, then she saw Dembe and immediately knew it was him. Dembe had seen the car parked near his motel room.

The stewardess came over and gave her the aspirin and a bottle of water. Liz took it and she asked him to bring her something for breakfast. Liz took the pills and faced Red.

\- "My personal life does not concern you, so let's not talk about it, just forget it"

\- “Yes, I know that it is not my concern, but it is about my agents, you and he are my agents and they crossed the limits. And you know that both can be affected ”.

\- "Look, it won't happen again, what happened will not interfere with our professional relationship." - Liz said, trying to calm the situation."

\- "I know not Liz, I know both are professionals, I don't care much about that, I just don't want to know how uncomfortable."

\- "So? What is the problem? It's not about discomfort, I think it's about something else. What are you trying to tell me, Red?" - Liz asked defensively, she didn't like where the conversation was going.

\- "It's just that he's in love with you, and you have feelings for him. And now that they did… I just don't want both of them to be affected. I want the best for you Lizzy. So, fix things with Donald and don't screw it up. "

\- "Red, you do not know what happened, you do not know the feeling that took me over. What happened last night, it was just a slip, it was just a mistake. It will not be repeated. Please, let's not talk about this anymore."

  
Without more to say, the pilot announced that they were ready to take off. They settled in and fastened their seatbelts and in a few seconds the jet took off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it, blessings.


	3. After You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liz evades Ressler because of what happened, but one news will change everything. She asks Red for advice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the absence, here is chapter 3. I hope you enjoy it and apologies for the errors you may find. English is not my first language.

**Después de ti**

Ressler woke up to the ringing of his cell phone. He turned around to find the warm body of her companion, to his surprise she only found the cold and empty space. He realized that she was not there. He got up and cursed from the hangover. The phone kept vibrating and he realized it was on the nightstand next to him. He grabbed it and saw that Aram was calling, he answered and Aram asked him if everything is okay. It turns out that Ressler had to turn in the reports and it was already 10 a.m. and he had definitely fallen asleep.

He ended the call and saw that on the bedside table there was a note and on top of it there was a bottle of water, next to that was an aspirin tablet. He picked up the note and read it, thanking Liz for thinking about the hangover. While taking the aspirin, he kept reading the note again. he kept analyzing it over and over again. He still couldn't understand why Liz was apologizing. _"Could it be that she regretted what happened?"_ Then he remembered that before falling asleep he made a stupid comment that Liz probably misinterpreted. " _Damn, Liz."_

He dialed her number, but Liz's cell phone was sending it to the mailbox, she was not available, he tried again and got the same result.

- _"Hello, I am Elizabeth Keen and I am not available to take the call at this time. After the signal, please leave your message and I will return your call as soon as possible, have a nice day."_

 _-_ "Liz, please answer me, we need to talk. I don't want you to think badly, we just have to clarify a few things. What I said last night is not what you think, I did not mean that. Please answer the phone as soon as possible. "

He left a voicemail and waited for Liz to call him back, but the odds were very low. He finished picking up his things and went to his apartment, he needed to change and finally, he would go to the office to finish the reports.

* * *

Liz and Red did not speak any more during the whole journey, Red began to play chess with Dembe and Liz kept thinking about last night, it was almost 10 am and it was about 45 minutes more to reach their destination. She asked the stewardess to bring her lunch, and the stewardess immediately left. Already the hangover was calming down a bit, as the stewardess arrived she decided to read a book. She needed to distract herself. The stewardess arrived and served her lunch, Liz ate and was satisfied to have something in her stomach, the food was not bad at all, it was obvious that it would be of good quality since everything comes from Red.

She kept reading and heard how Dembe won and Red lost and that caused him a sneaky laugh. The time had already passed when the pilot informed them that they were close to landing. Red and Dembe put the chess away and settled into their respective places. After 10 min the jet had already landed. As they got out Dembe helped Liz with her luggage.

\- “Lizzy, I will assign you a driver so you can decide where you want to go. You can choose the hotel you want and I will gladly pay you so you don't have any problem. "

\- "Oh Red, you don't need to do that ..."

\- "But I want to do it, Lizzy, I want you to be well and also comfortable, you are supposed to be resting so you deserve it."

\- “Thanks Red, but really, it's not necessary. I'll stay at my old house, I'll stay at Sam's house. I have some things to solve. "

\- "It's okay Lizzy, if you need anything else, don't hesitate to call me."

\- "Thank you Red"

With that, they both said their goodbyes, and Liz got in the car and gave the driver the address.

Around half an hour, Liz arrived at her destination, the driver helped her with her luggage and left. Liz started looking for the house keys and smiled triumphantly when she found them. She opened the door, grabbed her luggage, and went inside. The house was not very big but it was not very small either, it was a one-story house of medium size. It was a very discreet and comfortable house. Liz felt like nothing had changed, it was still the same as the last time she came. Things were in good shape because they were covered in plastic, there was a bit of dust, there were boxes in the hall. But everything looked normal. Even though Sam was gone, the house was in good repair.

She kept inspecting and decided to go to her room. She grabbed her luggage and headed to her room. She could not believe what she had seen, her room was as it was, she had not seen it for years, the last time she came she only stayed for dinner, but she did not sleep there. It had been so long and everything was still the same, her things were still intact and in good condition. Sam had preserved it so well that she could feel that he was there again, she felt like she was a child again. She inspected her things and realized that Sam had kept some old things in a box, but the newest was outside.

Liz's room was pastel purple (lilac), decorated with pastel pink leaves and branches, she was not a fan of pink but pastel pink was an exception. Her bunk bed is located in front of her and underneath is her desk, where she used to do her homework. On the right side of the bed is a full-length mirror and next to the mirror is her closet. In front of the closet is her bookshelf, she has a variety of psychology books, fiction books, crime books, and finally Shakespeare books. On one side is the window and finally, there is her cream-white armchair and her gray carpet. On the right side of Liz is her dresser and in the middle of the chair and dresser is a nightstand with a pot of tulips that have finished dry. On the wall, she had a picture of the world map and the city of Seattle at night. Seeing her room like the last time when she had come brought her too much nostalgia. Her childhood things had been stored in various boxes and left in another room that she and Sam called a cellar. Now her room looked like it was a teenager's room, when she entered college, she retired from home and went to live in another city.

When it was vacation she stayed home with Sam, but later when she entered Quantico and her various jobs around NYC and Baltimore took her away from home that the last time she went home was when Sam had gotten sick. She really missed Sam, it hurt her not to say goodbye to him. The last time they saw each other was at Christmas, they had a good time and had fun. She never came to think that this would be the last time she would see him, a year ago.

Liz got sad and started crying because she felt very lonely, she missed that Sam received her when she came home, she missed that he hugged her and pampered her. Sam was everything to her, Liz never knew her mother and she knew that Sam was not her real father, but to her he was. Sam was the only person she ever lived with and he was always a refuge for her. Despite the fact that Sam had a messy life and an environment not suitable for a child, he changed for her. Sam changed and became a father, a father to Liz.

Sam knew because of the difficulties that "Masha" was going through at that time, he knew that they had to hide her and that her life would not be easy at all. Sam knew that at some point the darkness and his past would come for Liz. But even so, Sam taught Liz how to take care of herself and how to survive. Even though it didn't seem like a good idea, Sam taught Liz how to steal, taught her how to open doors, taught her how to start a car with cables, taught her how to open a car without a key. Sam taught her many things and that helped Liz on several occasions. Sam and Liz were a strong team, it was them against the world, and now Liz had lost it.

After crying for a while Liz fell asleep.

* * *

Ressler left his apartment and went to the office to finish the pending work. He checked his cell phone again to see if he had a message from Liz or a missed call, but he had nothing on her. He was still very worried, worried about what Liz might be thinking about the night. He arrived at the post office and while he was waiting for the elevator, he saw Liz's contact again, he was debating whether to call her again or not. When the elevator lowered he could see Samar leave. She saw him as puzzled, perhaps because of how late he was getting to work.

\- "Good morning Ressler, Cooper has been waiting for you for hours."

\- "Do not remind me that. Where are you going?" - Asked Ressler.

\- “In the field, I am going to meet my Mossad team, I need to catch up with them. You're lucky because today is a day off for Red's cases, which means we can work on other cases, which also means Cooper isn't very angry, he's just upset. " - Samar answered.

\- “Good, thanks for the reminder. Good luck"

Ressler entered the elevator and waited for it to go up. When he got to the floor he went to the office and went to work on the reports. An hour later, when he was done, he went to drop off the reports at Cooper's office. He apologized for being late, Cooper told him that he hoped it wouldn't happen again. Ressler along with Aram were dedicated to solving some FBI cases. Later Samar arrived and joined the duo to work on the same case. Ressler and Samar went out to question a witness. During the tour, Samar noticed that Ressler was very worried and very aware of his cell phone as if he was waiting for a very important call.

\- "All good?" - Samar asked.

\- "Yes, everything is fine."

\- "Look, if you have something more important and urgent, let me take care of the witness and you take care of your matter."

\- "It won't be necessary, everything is fine."

\- “Ressler, I need you to focus on this. Well at least let me drive. "

\- "Samar I'm fine, everything is under control."

\- “Then pay attention and watch your way. You could kill us. " - Samar answered, now upset.

Samar was annoyed at how stubborn and headstrong Ressler could be. Ressler took notice and decided to control his thoughts and focus on work. Samar texted Liz because she wanted to know how she was spending her few vacations. She already missed her and more than anything she missed going out to have fun with her. The duo arrived at the destination and focused on questioning the witness.

An hour later they returned to the blacksite and continued working. Samar realized that Liz had not yet answered her message. It made her strange since Liz always answered her as quickly as possible, she thought about giving her her space, maybe she didn't want to be bothered. She was unconcerned and continued with her work. After a while he noticed again that Ressler was distracted and saw him very glued to the cell phone, he saw him making calls and being on the lookout. She began to think that nothing was right. She knew something was wrong, but she didn't want to meddle too much since that's Ressler's personal life. But she would do everything possible so that his personal life does not interfere with work.

* * *

Liz woke up and realized that it was already very late, it was 3:20 p.m. she realized how badly she needed sleep, and now that she was off she could get her sleep back. She arranged her things and went out to eat, she was really very hungry. When she got to her favorite dining room where she used to hang out with Sam, she walked in and sat at the same table and ordered a variety of food. While waiting for her order she checked her cell phone and saw that she had 5 voicemails and all from Ressler and she also saw 2 messages and they were from Samar. She reviewed them and sent a message to Samar.

\- “Hi Samar, I'm sorry I didn't warn you before but now I'm telling you. I took 6 weeks off, I took the recommendation of Dr. Torres, so as you may have found out there will be no cases from Red until I return. Don't worry about me, I'm fine, I'm just clearing my mind and fixing some family matters, but nothing serious. I promise you that when I return we can go to eat together and we will go out to have fun, I know I owe you one, I love you very much, take care of yourself and see you when I return. "

10 minutes later, when she received his order, she received a message from Samar.

_\- "Hi Liz, I'm glad you're well, don't worry, I understand that you forgot to tell me because of how you were suffocating with everything you've had to go through. And yes, when you come back we can go out, take care of yourself and I love you too. "_

Liz read the message and was relieved to know that Samar wasn't upset about telling her earlier. She finished eating, paid the bill, and decided to go to the park. When she got to the park, she looked for a seat and sat down. She began to see how the time, the environment, the families, the streets, everything had changed. That made her a little homesick, but her thoughts were interrupted by a notification from her cell phone. Ressler was calling her.

She got nervous, she hadn't spoken to him all day, she decided to send him to voicemail. When the call ended she decided to listen to her emails and started one by one. Ressler was telling him that they needed to talk about what happened. About that night and told him not to think things wrong, to call him because he really needed to talk about it. Each message said the same but more and more to cut off telling him to call him.

The last voicemail said that he would not insist more but please call him as soon as possible. Finally, Liz decided to talk to him when she returned to Washington D.C., now what she wants is to clear her mind and not weigh on him, on Red and at work.

* * *

**3 weeks later**

It had been 3 weeks since Liz had left Washington D.C. and she felt emotionally good since she had not received many notifications on her cell phone, Ressler no longer bothered her so often, Samar gave her her space, but if they spoke little to know how she was, Red called her 2 times to check that she was well and that he did not need anything. All of that was fine, but what wasn't right was that she had started to feel a little weird. She thinks it may be menstruation. She has felt sore breasts, abdominal pain similar to premenstrual discomfort has had mood swings, most of the time she has felt tired and sleepy.

During all this time, Liz was able to settle matters about Sam's death, she decided not to sell the house because she did not feel ready to leave it yet. For now, she would talk to Red about assigning someone to take care of the house. She plans to rent it for a while but is still unsure of her decision. She recently spoke to Samar to see how they were doing without her. Samar commented that he already missed her, he also commented that the team has done a great job with the FBI cases. Samar decided to omit certain information so as not to worry her.

The work the task force has done has been very good, Samar had no longer thought about Ressler's affairs, apparently, he had already calmed down, but sometimes he felt that he was not finished. He no longer spent a lot of time on the cell phone, but there were times when he was a little off-focus. Samar had talked a bit with Liz and was glad she was okay, he decided to give her his space. She didn't want to suffocate her anymore, she wanted to give her her space since that was why she had asked for a break.

Ressler stopped urging Liz, decided to respect her space. After leaving her many voicemails, she texted him saying they would talk when she returned. Ressler understood, for something Liz had taken a break and decided to respect that. He sometimes thought too much about the things that he almost always spent on his cell phone, when it rang he thought it might be Liz calling, but he was always disappointed when it was someone else.

Reddington hadn't been to the blacksite in a few weeks, but if he spoke to Harold to see how the team was working, Red called Liz to see how she was doing, he wanted to know if she needed anything and if everything was okay. By now Liz had said that she was fine and that she didn't need anything. Red told him that if he needed something he would not hesitate to call him.

**5 weeks later**

It had already been 5 weeks since Liz had asked for a break, the task force was already finalizing all the cases they were working on. In a week Liz would return and again they would continue with the blacklist.

Liz knew that she had only one week of rest left, and after thinking about it a bit, she decided to rent the house since as she still did not feel ready to leave it, she should at least put it to use and not leave it abandoned. She decided to ask Red for help, she needed a person to assign her to help her find a way to rent the house. She called him and said that if they could meet to talk about it, Red said yes. Now Liz was getting ready to meet Red.

Lately, Liz had felt discomfort in her breasts, but it was more and more present, the menstruation had not yet appeared, the small discomfort in the belly was more constant. She began to feel that something was wrong with her. She's already started having morning sickness. Her changes from food began to appear, her mood swings were also more and more present and her body felt tired.

She began to have certain suspicions, but did not want to think about it, decided to think that maybe it was premenstrual symptoms. She finished getting ready and went to the address where she would meet with Red. When Red arrived, he found Liz at a table located in a corner of the restaurant, she had chosen a discreet table. When Liz saw him she smiled at him.

\- "Hi Lizzy, how are you?" - Red greeted her while giving her a hug.

\- "Hi Red, I'm fine" - Liz answered doubtfully.

\- "Are you sure you're okay? Your words tell me you're okay but your face tells me you're not sure, did something happen?"

\- "Well look, what happens is that I've been thinking about what to do with Sam's house" Liz replied trying to hide what her real problem was. - “It happens that I'm not ready to sell the house yet, I still don't feel ready to say goodbye to her. As you know, I grew up there with Sam and that house is full of memories and I still don't feel ready to leave him. For now, I want to continue keeping it, but I will sell it later. I cannot stay with her being in the capital and leaving the house abandoned. So I cited you here so that you can recommend someone who can take charge of finding people who want to rent it temporarily. "

\- “Yes Lizzy, I get it, Sam was everything to you. Don't worry, I'll take care of it. Now order something for lunch, tell me how you have felt and what you have been doing in these weeks. Do you enjoy your rest? "

\- “Yes, emotionally I have already felt good, I feel more free and relaxed. I really needed this. And then I have gone out to pass through the city, I have visited the places with which I frequented with Sam, just to remember it.

\- "I'm happy for you Lizzy, remember that sometimes you need a break. If you feel like I'm overwhelming you, let me know where we are.

When they received their order, they ate lunch and continued talking. After finishing lunch, and at the end of the meeting, Liz began to feel a little bad, began to feel nauseous, and quickly went to the bathroom. Red approached her, but he decided to wait outside the bathroom. When Liz came out, Red asked her if she was okay.

\- "Lizzy, are you okay?"

\- "Yes I think so. It just made me nauseous and I emptied everything - she answered a little deamine.

\- “Don't worry Lizzy, Dembe will order to go. Let's finish talking at home ”- with that Red took Liz to the car and together with Dembe, they headed to Sam's house.

Along the way, Red began to confirm his suspicions, he knew that Liz was not well, but she was definitely not sick. Liz wanted to dismiss that thought that had been bothering her for a few weeks now, but she knows that at any moment she will have to accept it. When they got home, Dembe helped her out and opened the door. Red smiled, being at Sam's house brought back old memories. When they entered Liz immediately went for a glass of water to calm her nausea.

\- "Elizabeth, how long have you felt like this?" - Reddington asked too seriously

 _"Damn"_ \- thought Liz, Red only said his name when it came to serious matters.

\- "A few weeks ago, but I hadn't had nausea until a week ago."-Liz answered.

\- "Elizabeth, you may be pregnant" - Red was affirming it, it didn't sound like a question.

Liz was speechless, she sensed it, she knew it was something else but she had not taken the issue seriously.

\- “You don't know, right? - this time Red looked at her worried.

Liz slowly denied, she didn't want to talk about it, she felt it was too early, but without a doubt it was necessary.

— “Oh Lizzy…”

\- "I will do a test next week, it is possible that now the result is a false negative or a false positive, I do not know. I just want to wait." - Liz said interrupting Red.

\- "It's okay Lizzy, but you have to know before you go back."

Red said goodbye to Liz and left. Now Liz was drowning in her thoughts about the revelation. She was sorry but afraid of what the test might say, so she decided to wait to make sure.  
Red knew it, he had read her reactions and expressions. When he saw her, he could see that something in her had changed, he did not know how to interpret it very well until he saw her tastes for food, he saw that she rejected certain drinks and finally her nausea, all that confirmed his suspicions.

**A week later**

Liz was on her last week off, a week ago she and Red talked and the issue of a possible pregnancy came up. She didn't want to accept it, but she only had 5 days left to go back to Washington. She needed to know. A few hours ago she had done the tests, she had already gone to pick them up, now she was sitting on the sofa thinking about the result. She felt very nervous and maybe because she already knew what the answer was. She sensed it.

She opened the envelope and looked for the result, after reading the entire report she found it. The tests showed that she was pregnant. The result had been POSITIVE. She was shocked, she didn't know what to think or what to do. Liz stayed still, didn't move, didn't speak, didn't scream, didn't show any reaction. Just froze

After what happened, Liz looked for her cell phone and spoke to Red, she had to see him and talk about the results. Dembe answered the cell phone and passed it to Red, Liz told him that she needed to see him tomorrow because she already had the results and they needed to talk about it.

Liz spent the rest of the day thinking about what to do. A few hours ago it was confirmed that she was pregnant, but she had no idea what would happen in the future. She had always said she wanted to adopt and didn't want any children of her own yet. And now she was pregnant. She remembered Ressler and that made her more afraid, what was she supposed to say to Ressler? She told him that when she returned they were going to talk about what had happened between them and now she will return with the news that something else happened that night. She panicked, had no desire to go back.

She thought about her options, she could abort, put him up for adoption, or keep him.  
Adoption was totally out of the question, Ressler would not give his son up for adoption, nor could he lie to her and say that the baby was not his, that would not work. Now she only had 2 options, abort it or keep it.

Her job is too risky, she recently discovered the truth about Tom and she feels unprotected and paranoid, she has lived in motel rooms. They also recently had a conflict with Berlin, there was an attack on Cooper and Meera but both survived. She began to weigh all her options and events. She did a pros and cons analysis and unfortunately, they were more cons than in favor. She realized that she was not in the best moment to bring a baby to the world of misfortune, Liz's world was full of violence and constant secrets and lies. Your world is too dangerous to house a baby, an innocent being. Based on her analysis, her best option so far is to have an abortion and she is not going to tell Don.

Reddington was already certain that the test had come back positive. Liz had told him a few hours ago that they needed to talk about the results. Red finished fixing and getting her affairs in order before flying back to Nebraska. Red was feeling a bit nervous, he wanted to know how Liz was doing. He knew she would think about it too much and he hoped she would at least think in a positive way. He knew that bringing a baby into this world would be very dangerous and difficult. They were constantly in the middle of a war.

The next day Red arrived at Sam's house to meet Liz. She opened the door for him and let him in. Now they had to talk seriously and Liz wasn't ready to talk yet, but she knew that at some point she had to.

\- "So Liz, am I right or not?" - said Red taking a seat in front of her.

Liz handed him the envelope containing the results of his analysis. Red received them and delicately opened it. Red was reading and when he saw the result, he did not know how to express himself, or how to feel about it. He hadn't thought about what would happen if Liz was pregnant or not. Now they were facing the truth, he was right. She really was.

\- "Wow Liz, I don't know what to say to you" - Red said, speechless.

\- “I know what you think, and I know you don't accept this because it is not correct. Our world is too dangerous to bring a baby into this world. I know this is not the best time and it never will be. " Liz replied coldly.

\- "What do you want Lizzy? What are you thinking to do?"

\- “I analyzed my options very well and so far the only thing I have in mind is to abort it. I can't give him up for adoption, that would be impossible. I can't keep it because… you know how this is. Our world is dangerous. "

\- “Elizabeth, it is your decision and I will respect it, but you have to bear in mind that you are not alone. HE has a right to know. Don't exclude it. HE is also part of this. If you decide to abort it, that's okay. If you decide to keep it, that's fine. I will help you and together with the team, we will protect you. Lizzy, you deserve to be happy too. And you've been through a lot and yes, you're right, maybe it's not the best time to bring a child into this world full of violence, but you deserve to be happy. "

Liz wanted to cry for everything Red had told her, he was right, she deserved to be happy, and also she couldn't hide it from Don.

\- “Thank you for your support, Red, but I don't want to feel like a teenager with an unplanned pregnancy. I know it was unexpected, but I am an adult, so please do not treat me like that. I appreciate your support but do not treat me or see me with pity. I only ask that.

\- “It's okay Lizzy, I didn't mean for you to feel that way, I just wanted to show you that you have my support. And think about it. Think carefully before deciding. If you want it, I'll make sure the baby is safe and that you can live in her life. Despite our world, I will do what it takes to protect you and it.

Red and Liz finished talking and said goodbye. Red reminded her again that no matter what she decides, she will have his support.

At night, Liz was still weighing on what happened. Red was very right, she deserves to be happy. Liz always wanted a family, a kind and loving husband who together with her would raise a beautiful family. She had already made it clear that she wanted to adopt first, she did not want her own children, she wanted to give the opportunity to other children, but with the passage of time if she had a chance she would have a child of her own.

After what happened with Tom, after discovering her deception, she was totally devastated. Her dreams fell apart, her wishes for a family and normal life, her entire planned life shattered. Now she was pregnant at the time where she was totally unstable. She had no home, she had no friends, she had no family, she had no partner, she had nothing. All she had was her job, her dog Hudson who will probably end up giving her up for adoption, and Reddington's endless support.

And, furthermore, within it was a little life. An innocent life that will probably die before being born or may be born, but in a world full of violence. It was a lot to analyze.

Liz decided to go to sleep, but there was a thought preventing her from doing so. _"I've always wanted a family,"_ she thought.

She realized that after giving up everything she wanted, a small miracle appeared in her life. The idea of having a family was something she longed for, and right now, although it seems an inopportune moment, in all the darkness where she was a little light appeared, a light that symbolized hope. She realized that she had made a bad decision, realized her mistake and decided to keep the baby. Regardless of the risks, she decided that she would bring him into the world and that she herself would protect him no matter what. She wanted to be happy with her son and she is not going to let someone or something take away her chance to be happy and to be a mother.

She brought her right hand to her belly and began to caress herself. She was thrilled that a little life was growing inside her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it and blessings.  
> PD: You are likely to be careful in Chapter 4. It will be a somewhat tragic chapter.


End file.
